Once Upon A Spy

Hello to all my Trenchcoat Adorned Spies! 

Hey, you remember a few blog posts back I was talking about various spy shows and movies?  Well, I stumbled across a one I'd never heard of before and I'm gonna tell you about it!

I was on YouTube one day, just minding my own business, when suddenly this video suggestion pops up.  It's a movie from 1980 called "Once Upon A Spy" and it stars Ted Danson (before he got on "Cheers") and Christopher Lee (long after he was Dracula for Hammer Pictures).  Apparently this was a TV movie-of-the-week, and was intended as the pilot to a proposed series, though I'm not 100% sure about this.

So get this...Christopher Lee is an evil genius (naturally!) who wants to take over the world.  He sends in an elite team to steal this super-computer from NASA...and I mean one of those old fashioned early computers that takes up the entire wall of a building!  Remember, this was back before there was any such thing as a personal computer.  Anyway, they crash into the NASA building with a semi truck and blast the computer with a mysterious laser beam.

So the government...they don't really define which agency...brings in Ted Danson as Jack Chenault, a government computer programmer to go talk to the scientist who built the super-computer and to investigate the scene of he crime.  All escorted with by an actual field agent, of course!

The field agent is Paige Tannehill, played by Mary Louise Weller, an attractive blonde best best known for appearing in the movie "Animal House".  You know how these things go, first they don't get along, but are practically dating by the end of the movie.  They tried to have snappy banter...and...well, let's just say they tried.

They arrive in time to find the scientist and his daughter get kidnapped by the bad guy's henchmen and give chase...until a helicopter uses a magnet to pick up thee bad guys car and take them away.  

They investigate the scene of the crime and deduce that the computer was shrunk, which leads them to the villain, Marcus Valorium, played by Christopher Lee in a nifty space-age wheelchair, complete with firing missiles!  He remembers Chenault as the only man who ever beat him...several years ago when they were competing for some science award.  

So, Chenault figures out that with the NASA computer to connect him to satellites (and the computer's creator to operate the now-miniature computer--apparently he can re-enlarge an object once it's been shrunk), Valorium can bounce his shrink ray to just about anywhere in the world. And although Chenault insists that he is NOT a field agent, he keeps volunteering for missions partly due to his expertise, partly due to his personal connection to the bad guy, and partly due to the feelings he's developing for Tannehill.  

So Chenault goes to see Valorium and confirms that he is behind the theft.  He goes with Tannehill to parachute to Valorium's observatory hide-out to rescue the professor & her daughter...and also to help destroy the shrink ray, of course.

But they get captured, and the girl gets dropped into a trippy mirror-walled maze that Chenault must guide her through, avoiding the two hit men Valorium is guiding to take her out.  It's a weird, sick game that Valorium wants to play to prove he's better then Chenault, cuz the guy holds a grudge.

All in all, "Once Upon A Spy" is kind of a James Bond wannabe.  It's not too bad, but far from excellent.  What they were attempting isn't bad, but you can see that it lacked some vital spark, and it's really no wonder the series wasn't picked up.  This reminds me of movies that I watched as a kid and thought were great, then grew up and rewatched and found out they were horrible.  ...Maybe it would be ok for a preteen audience? *shrug*

If you can't find anything better, this could help you pass and hour-and-a-half.  I don't recommend paying for it, though.  If you want to watch it, find it streaming somewhere for free!  Like I said, I found it on YouTube, so watch it there! ...Or don't!   

Well, that's all for now!  I'll see ya next time!

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell