Tales of the Gold Monkey

Howdy you Truly Adventurous Souls! 

I know why you're here!  I knew you were coming!  I didn't bake a cake though, but I do have  a true treat this time, team, a terrific trophy of television's times-gone-by called "Tales of the Gold Monkey"!  This is a re-working of an old article that I wrote a few years back for my "Odd Reviews by Oddcube", a feature of the former Abandoned Towers ezine.

 Be warned, There Are Spoilers!

"Tales of the Gold Monkey" aired its one-and-only season on ABC in 1982.  The show was created by some guy named Donald P. Bellisario, who created some other obscure shows with names like "Magnum, P.I.", "Airwolf", "Quantum Leap", "JAG", and "NCIS".  In fact, "Gold Monkey" was apparently the very first series that he got a "Created By" credit for.

So, the scuttlebutt from several online sources is that Bellisario created "Gold Monkey", inspired by such classic movies as "Only Angels Have Wings" and "To Have and Have Not" and that he began trying to sell it to the networks since the late 70's.  He was repeatedly turned down, as them dumb ol' TV execs thought no one would be interested in way cool adventure series set in the 1930's.  And then it happened:

"Raiders of the Lost Ark" was released in theaters, and was a smash hit!

Then all of a sudden, all three networks (yeah, there were only three back then, how did people survive?!) were scrambling to find something similar that they could air.  The good news here is that some guy at ABC remembered "Tales of the Gold Monkey", which came complete with a tropical island and a hero in a leather jacket!  ...The bad news is that they really wanted it to be more of an action-oriented adventure and less the character-driven drama Bellisario originally intended.  The resulting series is somewhere in between, and way cool!

"Tales of the Gold Monkey" takes place in the South Seas in 1938.  More specifically, on the fictional island of Boragora, part of the French Mandate which covers the southern half of the volcanic Marivella Island chain.  The northern half of the Marivellas compose the Japanese Mandate.  The show focuses on the adventures of Jake Cutter, a former Flying Tiger who is now a pilot-for-hire who transports passengers and cargo with his Grumman Goose (that's an airplane, if ya don't know).  Jake is played by Stephen Collins, whom you may remember from "Brewster's Millions" starring Richard Pryor and John Candy (he's the guy Richard Pryor gets to slug at the end), or from "Star Trek:  The Motion Picture" (he's the guy who merges with V'Ger at the end of the movie...in case ya fell asleep and missed that part, which is TOTALLY understandable!), or as a priest in the TV series "Seventh Heaven". 

Of course, a good hero needs good sidekicks, and Jake has several characters to back him up.  His best, or at least most loyal, friend is Corky, the best (and only) mechanic within a thousand miles.  Corky is amiable, optimistic, a little naïve, a little dense, and has a poor memory as a result of how much he drinks.  Corky is played by Jeff MacKay, who also played recurring roles on "Magnum P.I.", "JAG", "Battlestar Gallactica" (the original one), "Black Sheep Squadron", and "The Greatest American Hero".  And on top of all that, I found out that Jeff MacKay was Robert Redford's cousin!

Jake Cutter never went very far without his faithful friend, Jack, who was a one-eyed Jack Russell Terrier.  Jack was smarter than the average dog; in fact, he was often smarter than the average human.  He could hold a conversation with you by barking once for "no" and twice for "yes"...or is it the other way around?  To be honest, I think he switched it around every once in a while, just to confound people.  Jack had a glass eye made of opal with a star sapphire center, but Jake lost in a poker game in the pilot and Jack holds a king-sized grudge against him until he tracks it down and gets it back which, of course, Jake tries to do through the entire run of the show.  In the meantime, Jack wears an eye patch and is very cool, even though he's kinda contrary.

Next up, we have Sarah Stickney-White, who turns out to be an American secret agent...even though she sounds British...who has been assigned to eavesdrop and relay any information that may be useful to the U.S. in the upcoming war.  As her cover, she was the singer in Boragora's central meeting spot, The Monkey Bar.  In addition to all of that, she was Jake Cutter's romantic interest throughout the series, cuz you need that sort of tension in a series.  Sarah is played by Caitlin O'Heaney who was on "One Life To Live" for a while, and was in the Woody Allen films "Zelig" and "The Purple Rose of Cairo", and for a while she had her own perfume, called "Caitlin".

The most mysterious of Jake's companions is "Bon Chance" Louie. 
Louie is the French Magistrate in charge of Boragora and also the proprietor of the Monkey Bar.  Louie is a likable scoundrel and rogue who occasionally drops little hints about various experiences in his exotic and apparently infamous life.  In the pilot, Louie was played by Ron Moody, who has apparently been in tons of things, but I only know him from Mel Brooks' "The Twelve Chairs".  Also apparently, he and somebody didn't get along, because in the ongoing series, Louie was played by Roddy McDowall.  ...I don't have to tell you who Roddy McDowall is, do I?  I mean, he's Roddy McDowall!  Everybody knows and likes him, right?  He was in, like, EVERYTHING it seems like.

 Of course, a hero also needs some opposition, and there were some members of the regular cast to help in that capacity, too.  For starters, there was the Reverend Willie Tenboom, who was actually a Nazi spy assigned to Boragora.  Of course, he wasn't much of a spy; he was actually quite content to be stationed out on that tropical paradise mostly away from weighty worries like war and politics.  He was set up as a Reverend, and his favorite pastime was giving private--ahem--"blessings" to the local native girls.  He certainly didn't seem very devoted to the Nazi cause, and in fact was rather fond of the show's heroes.  As such a reluctant opponent, he wasn't really played up as a villain, but more as focal point for occasional comedy.  Willie was played by John Calvin, who seems to be in one episode of just about everything, and a couple of small movie roles, but "Gold Monkey" seems to be the largest part in his repertoire. 

A more affective villainess was the Princess Koji, a half-Irish/half-
Japanese princess who governed the Japanese Mandate in the Maravellas.  She was sort of a classic Dragon Lady type of character, very clever and cunning, and (of course) intrigued and enamored of our stalwart hero, Jake Cutter.  Princess Koji was played by Marta DuBois, who was also Thomas Magnum's wife on "Magnum P.I." and John Larroquette's love interest on the "McBride" series of mystery movies.

Princess Koji had several people at her beck and call, but her best servant is Todo.  Todo was some sort of samurai-guy who was fanatically loyal to the Princess.  He has a quick temper, unfaltering determination, and a samarai sword--and he's ready to use them all!  Todo is played by John Fujioka, who you might remember from "Pearl Harbor", or "Mortal Kombat", but I remember him from "The Private Eyes".

Anyway, "Tales of the Gold Monkey" is an adventure show, and there's plenty of adventure everywhere!  There are claim jumpers, guys trying to blow up members of Royal Families, kidnappers, slavers, killer apes, tigers, and curses from ancient island gods!  From start to finish, it's just plain cool!

Now, some of these plot elements were part of Bellisario's vision of what the series should be, but some of the more exotic things like ape-men and natives were apparently added at the insistence of the network.  Remember, they wanted it to be more Indiana Jones.  Well, remember also that this is the first series that Bellisario got "Created By" credit for, and since his name was on it, he was very insistent about how it turned out, too.  The short version here is that arguments ensued, and the series was not picked up beyond the first season, much to the surprise of rival networks and the disappointment of their growing fanbase. 

Despite stubborn, short-sighted network execs, the show retains a loyal cult following.  I guess I'm part of it, cuz I totally dig it the most.  And what's not to like?  There's adventure, excitement, romance, intrigue, and exotic scenery!  So if you like Indiana Jones, or Allan Quatermaine, or Jungle Jim, or the movie "Firewalker", or the Disney show "Talespin" (which itself was supposedly inspired by "Tales of the Gold Monkey"), then you will like this show, so check it out!

Or maybe you've seen it already?  If so, tell us what you thought about it in the comments below!

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

Jack Hunter

Greetings, you Treasure and Antiquity Seekers! 

Good to have you back!  I hope you're ready for adventure because this time we're talking about the Jack Hunter miniseries.  I believe this debuted on the Syfy Channel (but don't quote me on that) around New Year 2008-2009.  

These three episodes run about an hour and a half each, forming a single, all-encompassing story arc.  First is "Jack Hunter and the Lost Treasure of Ugarit".."  Here we meet Jack Hunter, jaded and cynical archaeologist, on a mission to photograph a tablet in a private collection in Paris.  A bad run-in with a security guard smashes his camera, so he takes the entire tablet.

His friend and mentor believe this tablet holds a riddle that leads to a long-lost Ugaritic treasure.  Jack thinks it's a bunch of hooey and refuses to get involved until someone kills his mentor.  Before his death, the mentor marked a spot on a map, and this leads Jack to Syria, where he is joined by Nadia Ramadan from a local antiquities institute (she and Jack hate each other right away, so you know they end up together by the end of the series) and Tariq, a driver/tour/guide provided by some tourism bureau.

The main opposition is a rival archaeologist named Littman, who is working for the Russian Mafia.  There are other bad guys, too...but I don't even remember who they were supposed to be.  Some weird secret society that's still around from ancient times...they worship the magical staff that is part of the Treasure.

There were foot chases, car chases (Tariq is supposed to be their driver, but somehow every time Jack drives, there turns out to be a car chase...go figure!).   There are some caves and ancient ruins and weird ancien traps.  Anyway, all this leads to the staff.

What staff?  Oh yeah, there's this magic staff.  It's the first of a two-part ancient superweapon.  The weapon is called the Eye, and the Staff is the Iris.  It's a solar-powered magic staff that shoots a laser beam.  The secret society is trying to keep everyone away from it.

But they blew it.  Everyone gets to the temple where it's kept, and--of course--Littman gets it by the end of the first movie!  

But that's ok because we're not done yet!  We move to part two, "Jack Hunter and the Quest for Akhenaten's Tomb."  See, there's a second part to the superweapon.  It's called the Star of Heaven, and it attaches to the orb at the top of the staff, and...no one's quite sure what it does.  But Littman is after it, so we have to stop him!

Our heroes believe that the Star of Heaven was captured by the forces of the Pharaoh Akhenaten and hidden away in Egypt, so that's we they go next.  

More political intrigue, more ancient mysteries, another secret society.  But it turns out that the Star of Heaven is not here because thousands of years ago, the Romans looted the place and moved the entire treasure, but left a pair of Roman coins on the eyes of the Pharaoh.  Oh yeah, and we fail to get the Staff away from Littman!

But we're not through yet; we still have "Jack Hunter and the Star of Heaven."  This time there's a trail of private collectors that our heroes must follow to eventually find the Star.  And of course, Littman gets it, and we have to get it back before he can turn it over to the Russian Mafia...or is that even his true intention?  I won't spoil it, just in case you want to check it out for yourself.

So, how was it?  Well...it was okay.  The mystery and intrigue really weren't so bad.  They make the mistake of dressing the hero up in a way that reminds you of Indiana Jones, and I think that was a bad idea.  Jack Hunter is NO Indiana Jones.  

As I said, the plot is okay.  It has all the necessary parts to be something great, and it takes place in the modern world, which helps set it apart from period pieces like Indiana Jones.  However, in my opinion, none of the characters were very likable.  And the story just isn't told in the fun style of Indiana Jones or "The Mummy" with Brendan Fraser.  It's like they wanted all the corny adventure stuff but were hoping to inject verisimilitude and believability...or something.

It was good in its way, it was watchable, and I'm not sorry I watched it.  On the other hand, I'm in no hurry to watch it again.  It just wasn't as much fun as Indy or O'Connell.

But if you want to watch it, I'm sure you can find it on some streaming channel or other; I watched it on YouTube.

Have you seen "Jack Hunter and Lost Treasure of Ugarit"?  If so, tell us what you thought about it in the comments below!

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins

Howdy you Truly Adventurous Souls! 

So, the other day, I was looking through some old video tapes and I found (among several other things) my copy of Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins.  Then I thought, "Hey!  That's adventure!  I should talk about it on the blog!"  So...I am!

The movie came out in 1985, but I never saw it until it got on HBO.  I must have been about twelve, and I had no idea who Remo Williams was.  For that matter, I had no idea who Fred Ward or Joel Grey were, either.  But I knew Wilford Brimley!  He was the only guy in the movie I recognized!

Anyway, Remo Williams was a New Jersey cop at the beginning of the film, and he was selected by a top-secret government organization to be their new recruit.  The first thing they did was fake his death, then they gave him reconstructive surgery (mostly shaving off his mustache) and informed him he had been recruited and given a new name:  Remo Williams.

The organization was CURE (I don't remember what the acronym was for), and seemed to be a three-man operation led by Wilford Brimley as Dr. Harold Smith, who implied that they were some kind of government institution.  So, they wanted Remo to be trained up to be an assassin, so they give him to an old Korean named Chiun who was to teach Remo the ways of Sinanju, kind of philosophy and a style of martial arts.  

I was kinda fascinated by the Sinanju training sequences.  The idea was that the human body was capable of so much more than we use it for.  Like...the way they say we only use a small percentage of our brain, but could do fancy telepathy and telekinetic powers if we could learn to use the rest of our brains.  Except, this was the whole body.  With Sinanju training and discipline, you were supposed to be able to do all sorts of fantastic Jackie Chan-type acrobatics and tings that seemed superhuman.

However, Remo is a typical American slob, and is very skeptical, but is impressed with the few uncanny moves Chiun has displayed and wants to learn because...it was just too cool.

On top of all this, there is a shady military arms dealer--an evil 80s business tycoon--who is fleecing the government for funds to build new weapons for the armed forces and only supplying shoddy equipment that blows up in the hands of our soldiers.  He had a sham weapons satellite that was rigged to blow up before anyone could get close enough to tell it was a phony.  This guy needs to be taken out, but whenever his stuff comes under investigation he gets away scott free and some underling gets all the blame.

This is a job for CURE, and they want to send Remo, their newest assassin, to eliminate him.

It was a nifty little flick when it came out, entertaining enough to occupy a couple of hours.  Fred Ward from the the first two Tremors movies played Remo.  Joel Grey played Chiun.  Wilford Brimley, as I said, was Harold Smith, the head of CURE.  And nowadays I recognize Kate Mulgrew, but I don't like her in anything since she stole Billy Crystal's novel in Throw Momma From the Train. 

It wasn't until years later that I found out it was based upon a series of books called "The Destroyer" by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy.  Apparently a line of men's adventure novels akin to The Executioner.  I tracked some down, but I've only read one so far...and that was some years ago now.  I don't remember what the plot actually was.  I remember a Chinese lady with a big coat who kept stealing essential like toilet paper and carrying them in her coat.  And Remo fighting some guys from a karate school.  I think they ended up in China and he got the Sword of Sinanju...why was it in China instad of Korea?  Maybe I remember wrong.

Anyway, the movie is kinda neat, although I've read some opinions online that suggest the books are better.  Hey, big surprise, right?  I'll have to read a few more books and watch the movie again to see if I feel the same way.

I also read that the movie folks wanted this to become a big franchise to rival stuff like James Bond.  In fact, he was supposed to the blue-collar James Bond.  So they hired a writer who wrote a couple of James Bond movies, and a director who directed a couple James Bond movies...but in the end, it just didn't become what they hoped for.  Sad, really.  I would have watched more of them. 

I wouldn't be surprised if someone in Hollywood was trying to reboot the series.  I mean, seems like they try that with everything, doesn't it?

Well, I guess that's all for now.  See ya next time!

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

Danger Island

 Hail and well met! I offer a Toast And Salute for your timely return!

So, I was trying to track down an old Matinee serial from 1931 called "Danger Island".  Couldn't find it.  Turns out it is considered one of several "lost" serial talkies who have at least one chapter's reel of sound or audio deteriorated beyond salvage.  This is sad, but not really the subject of our little discussion today.

You see, during my research I found another "Danger Island", a live-action cliffhanger serial produced by--now get this--Hanna-Barbera!

You read that correctly!  Back in, like, 1968 I think it was, Hanna-Barbera produced "The Banana Splitz Adventure Hour", hosted by live action costume versions of their cartoon bubblegum rock band, the Banana Splitz!  

I used to watch reruns of this show way back in my misspent youth, but I can't really remember much about the show.  Ok, I don't really remember anything about the show.  I remember the Banana Splitz, they were kinda like sport mascots or Disneyland characters.  And I remember about two lines from their theme song, "The Tra-La-La Song".  

Apparently they hosted different cartoons and performed little sketches on the show.  From what I've been reading online, it was intended as a "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In" style show, with lots of short clips edited together, but directed at small children.  But I have to take their word on this, cuz I don't really don't remember.

Anyway, one of the regular features was a cliffhanger serial called "Danger Island"!  It was shown in five minute episodes over about 35 episodes of the Banana Splitz.  And some stalwart fellow on YouTube has edited all these episodes together into a movie that's two hours and twenty minutes long!

Well, of course I watched it!

This thing is totally a Hanna-Barbera adventure cartoon done in live action!  It's VERY Johnny Quest-esque, with some moments of frivolous cartoon slapstick for the kids.  Hoo-boy!

So, there's Dr. Irwin Hayden, out on a boat looking for relics to help prove his theory that the Egyptians and the Phoenicians were somehow connected to the Aztecs.  He is on a boat "somewhere in the South Pacific" with his teenage daughter, Lesley, and his young assistant, Link.  By the way, this guy Link is played by a young fellow named Micheal Vincent, who would go on to become Jan-Micheal Vincent, probably best known from the TV show "Airwolf"!  Of course, he was also in the movie "Damnation Alley".  ...He is also the ONLY actor I recognized in the whole show!

Dr. Hayden's brother disappeared somewhere in this area of the Pacific, just a few short years ago.  He was searching for the Lost City of Tabana, to prove the whole ancient civilization theory.  

Unfortunately, our heroes are beset by a rather inept group of pirates, who believe they are hiding treasure and can lead them to even more.  Shenanigans ensue and our hapless heroes get stranded on an island where they are befriended by Morgan and Chongo, who have been castaways here ever since they were betrayed by the same pirates over a year prior.  They all team up.

Hot on the trail of Dr. Hayden's missing brother, they find a map that should lead them to the Lost City!  However, they are chased by pirates, three different tribes of natives, lions, leopards, and crocodiles, oh my!  

Overall, the story wasn't bad, but you can tell that it was written to entertain very small children.  The concept may have been inspired by things like Johnny Quest, but our three main characters together are not as competent of Johnny's dog, Bandit!  In fact, if they hadn't hooked up with Morgan, they would never have made it!  Chongo is the weird/comic relief character, he cannot speak and communicates solely through bird calls, animal sounds, and other assorted noises, like many cartoon characters before him.  I'm not gonna lie, it quickly got kinda annoying.

I didn't actually look it up, but I have NO trouble believing that this was cooked up by the same writers who worked on things like Johnny Quest and Scooby-Doo.  Even the music was stock stuff that I recognized from Johnny Quest and the Herculoids.  I was surprised to see that it was directed by none other than Richard Donner!  Yes, the SAME Richard Donner who directed Christopher Reeve in "Superman"!  The same Richard Donner who directed "The Goonies", "Ladyhawke", "Maverick", and the "Lethal Weapon" series!  Hey, he hadn't done any of those yet and ya gotta start someplace!

I know I sound really negative, but I don't mean to.  I realize that I no longer fit into the demographic that was the intended audience.  And again, the story wasn't BAD, just...juvenile.

Again, I know I used to watch the Banana Splits when I was a kid, and I don't remember this at all.  Now I've watched the whole thing, and I still don't remember seeing it before!  ...I don't know, maybe I was better off!

If you are interested in seeing it, all the individual five-minutes episodes appear to be on YouTube.  And, as I said, some brave soul edited them all together into a single feature nearly two-and-a-half hours long (I watched in two installments...I just had to!).  A simple search will find it.  I don't know of anywhere to watch entire episodes of the Banana Splitz, sorry!

I'll try to find something I like better to talk about next time!

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

Fireball Island

 Howdy folks!  You're just in time to join me on a Terribly Arsonous Safari, so let's go!

Imagine an expedition to a lush tropical island, riddled with volcanic fissures that belch out massive fireballs that roll down jungle paths, leveling all that stands in their way!  At the center of this dangerous tropical paradise atop the angry volcano sits the primitive idol Vul-Kar, who watches over a gigantic red jewel--which is the goal of our very expedition!

This is the premise of the Milton Bradley game Fireball Island!  Released in 1986, this is easily the second coolest board game ever!*

This is the first game I was aware of that had a three dimensional board.  I don't mean like Mousetrap, which had a flat board that you built 3-D elements upon.  And I don't mean like Life which had that built-in spinner wheel and little built-in plastic hills so the board would fold correctly.  No!  This was a single large piece of vacuum-formed plastic depicting sloping trails divided by rocky outcroppings, ravines and pits!  

See, you start on this one plateau--I don't remember if it said so in the rule book, but I was always under the impression that we airdropped onto the island.  Then you make your way through winding jungle trails, past crumbling temples, across rickety bridges and the occasional shortcut through twisting caves all in an attempt to take the fabulous jewel for yourself and reach the only escape boat before the other players!

Once someone takes the jewel from its place beside the idol of Vul-Kar, they must avoid the other players who are now trying to steal the jewel for themselves and reach the boat first.  On top of this, everyone must look out for Fireballs, which are activated by certain cards and dice rolls and--according to the rules--MUST try to hit a player--even if you have to hit yourself!

Don't worry, you don't die or anything.  Getting hit by a fireball only means you lose a turn...and your place on the board...and the jewel if you have it.  I mean HAD it.  This gives the other players a chance to catch up...or leave you behind!

There is also a deck of cards--players can each have up to four at a time--that can affect how you or other players move.  

Up to four people can play at once.  I gotta tell you, when there are only two players, its pretty tame.  Three players gets interesting.  But when there are four players, the game can get pretty wild!  Everyone racing for the jewel, playing cards on one another, stealing the jewel back an forth between players, and fireballs rolling everywhere!

As you can probably guess, this is a popular game among my family.  Many an evening was spent playing this game with brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews.  Why even today, when my niece comes to visit, she STILL insists on playing a game or two of Fireball Island!

Back in 2018, Restoration Games held a super-successful Kickstarter campaign to raise the money for a reboot/reimagining of the game.  As I said, it was super-successful--in fact they met their goal in the first hour--and they came out with a new version and a series of expansions.  Now, I haven't played any of the expansions, but I did get to play the new version once.  It is VASTLY different from the original.  I'll have to play it a few more times to get used to it, I guess.

So far, I still like the original best!  You should still be able to find it on places like eBay, if you're interested.  Maybe even with all the pieces!  It's highly recommended! 

I guess that all for now, folks!  So I'll see ya next time!  Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

* The coolest board game ever was obviously Dark Tower (no connection whatsoever to the the novels by Stephen King).

I Want To Live In A Republic Serial

 Howdy friends!  I Toast And Salute you in greeting!

I want to Tell A Secret to you:  I love those old Saturday Matinee serials!  Okay, maybe that's not much of a secret.

Just in case you're new around here, I'll give the obligatory summary:  Back in the 30's and 40's when you went to the movies you got to see, like, two main features and a selection of short features.  The main features were full length movies which would last anywhere from one to two hours long.  Short features, or short subjects were a half an hour or less and included newsreels, cartoons, travelogues, short humorous films, and serials.  Serials were episodic stories with little plot and lots of action, they were designed primarily for younger audiences.  You had to come back each week to see each chapter of the story, sort of like a TV show, except you had to go to the movies to see it.

Serials were often based on comic strips, comic books, and pulp stories, but also featured several original characters who were inspired by these.  After all, original characters didn't have to be licensed for use like trademarked characters did.

Sometimes the heroes were super-heroes like Superman or Batman, or the Shadow or the Spider.  But more often they were police detectives, or government agents, soldiers, boat captains or news reporters.  Sometimes they were a little more exotic, like stunt pilots or carnival daredevils.

But it doesn't seem to matter much what their occupation is, people in serials seem to all be exceptional examples of mankind!  Generally speaking, there's a Hero and two or three Trusted Sidekicks.  They fight against the machinations of the Mysterious Villain, whose identity they cannot confirm until one of the last two chapters of the story.  The Villain has an extensive gang of expendable characters and two or three major Henchmen.  

These are the main characters in the serial, and they appear in every chapter.  There are some tertiary characters, usually including police chiefs, kindly scientists, or corporate or government benefactors.  These tertiary characters also have a good chance of surviving the story, though they may occasionally get kidnapped and placed in a life-threatening trap.

The Hero and his Sidekicks encounter the Henchmen and engage in a fistfight in every chapter!  No one ever seems to get seriously hurt (unless they are an expendable, nameless thug, and even then, they often get arrested).  The worst that usually happens is someone getting KO'd just long enough to think they're going to burn up in the fire, or get blown up by the impending explosion.

But that's not all!  These major characters display a countless array of astounding skills!  They can run, jump, climb, and swim!  I don't know about you, but that's more than I can do.  They can drive a car, ride a motorcycle, ride a horse, pilot a boat, pilot a plane!  They can indulge in repeated wrestling and fisticuffs that demolish all the furniture in the room!  They can fire guns (with all the accuracy of an Imperial Stormtrooper, but still, they know how)!  They can fire a bow and arrow, use knives, use swords, use weird laser cannons stolen from the good-hearted scientist who invented it!  They drive cars by standing on the running board and then jump before they go over the cliff!

Wow!  I wish I could do half of that stuff without getting so much as a scratch!  Is it cheesy?  Yes!  Yes it is!  But that's why I say I want to live in a Republic Serial!  ...Well, okay, it wouldn't have to be a Republic Serial, because serials were basically the same whether they came from Republic, or Mascot, or Universal, or one of the others!

What movie, TV show, or book would you like to live in?  Love to hear about it in the comments below!


Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

Follow the Map...

Greetings all you Treasure/Antiquity Seekers!

So...

When was the last time YOU stumbled across a treasure map?

Yeah, I can't remember the last time I found one, either.

But they are a major staple in adventure stories.  A definite trope. perhaps even a cliche.  Every pirate and every western bank robber is supposed to have a map that leads to his ill-gotten gains.  You know it, I know it, everyone knows it!  I wonder how many I actually know of...

First of all, there's "Treasure Island".  When young Jim Hawkins got his hands on Mr. Flint's map, he had himself a proper treasure map that led to a secret pirate treasure!  Of course, there were a band of pirates who also wanted the treasure, chiefest of all was Long John Silver.

Then, of course in "The Hobbit", Bilbo Baggins and Thorin's Company had a map that led to a secret entrance of the Lonely Mountain, where the dragon Smaug slept upon their stolen gold.  A cool map that boasts hints and riddles written in a special invisible ink that can only be read in the light of the moon.

Hmm...except for a map--that we never got to see--that was tattooed on the back of a blind violinist in a Doc Savage story...I can't really think of any more treasure maps in literature.  I must be reading the wrong pulp.  I'll have to go to the Internet Archive and find some digital copies of Adventure Magazine.  In the meantime, I'll move on to movies!

You recall the beginning of "Raiders of the Lost Ark", where our stalwart hero, Indiana Jones treks through forbidden South American jungles with untrustworthy allies.  At one point he consult a map that had been ripped into three pieces.  We never get a good look at that map, but I found this interpretation online.

What everyone really remembers is the Map of Souls in the lost city
of Tanis.  Because, of course, if you position the Staff of Ra in the proper place, the sun will shine through the jewel in the Headpiece and a beam of light will show you where to find the Well of the Souls--the resting place of the Lost Ark!

But that's not the only treasure hidden in Egypt!  we know this because of "The Mummy" movie with Brendan Fraser.  The ancient puzzle box is actually an all-purpose key that opens secret books and forbidden sarcophagi, and it contains a map to the Lost City of Hamenuptra, where the wealth of Ancient Egypt is hidden.  

Meanwhile, a pair of Spanish rapscallions named Tulio and Miguel....or is that Miguel and Tulio?  Anyway, during a dice game they managed to win a map depicting "the wonders of the New World".  Through a series of madcap misadventures that may or may not have been influenced by some divine intervention, they sailed to the New World and found that the map depicted "The Road To El Dorado", the City of Gold itself!  They found themselves in the unique position to save this virtual paradise from a bloodthirsty and lunatic priest, but also the imminent arrival of Cortes and his conquistadors.

Of course, sometimes you don't have to go so far to find treasure and adventure.  "The Goonies" found it all right in their own backyard!  Well, okay, in their own hometown.  Because when your father is the curator for the local museum, and uses the attic of his house as extra storage space...that increases the likelihood that you and your friends can find a treasure map that leads to One-Eyed Willie's wrecked ship, and all his plundered gold.  Of course, you have to read Spanish to have a chance at the riddles, and a few piano lessons will help you conquer the music notes on the back.

On the other hand, in "Romancing the Stone", romance novelist Joan Wilder received her mail and found the map to El Corazon, a big heart-shaped emerald wanted by some antique smugglers and a South American warlord. 

This was an especially cool map because you had to fold it over to find some of the clues, if you didn't, you would never find the jewel.  Then how would it ever get swallowed by the crocodile?

Then again, sometimes maps don't lead to a specific item or
place...sometimes a map can lead to several, uh, locations of interest.  For instance, Sao Fang's rotating map in "Pirates of the Caribbean:  At World's End".  This fantastic navigational device leads to several weird and wonderful locations; including Davy Jones' Locker and the Fountain of Youth.  Who knows what other mysteries it can guide one to?

The only map I can readily think of that may be even more fantastic, is the map that belongs to the Supreme Being.  It is a map of all the holes in Time and Space, and it was stolen by some disgruntled employees who decided to use it to steal great treasures from various historical figures, then escape to another time so they could never be caught.  And while they were pursued by the Supreme Being, they were also constantly watched by Evil One, who also wanted the map for his own nefarious schemes. That's right, I'm referring to "Time Bandits".  But here again, they may have been part of some Divine Plan without realizing it at the time.

That seems to be all I can think of right now.  Can you think of any prominent treasure maps from literature or film?  And no, I DO NOT mean the "Map of the Realm" that seems to be included in very Fantasy novel nowadays.  I'm talking a map that leads to an actual treasure, or magical place.  I'll have to read less Hero Pulp and more Adventure Pulp to try and find more.

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

a word about Dungeon Adventures

Howdy, all you Truly Adventurous Souls!

So we've finished up the last exciting episode of our Phantom Sleuth serial, which means we're going to have something new start up this week!  And aren't you anxious to find out what it is?  Of COURSE you are!  And you've come to right place, because that's what we're going to talk about today!

Well, in order to tell you about this, I have to recap the evolution of Mutant World, just in case ya missed it!

Anyway, Mutant World was a direct result of the art.  I discovered the characters created by Luigi Castellani over at Artikid Arts and was entranced by them. I wanted to write a story about these characters, and so I did.  Then I was inspired to write a few more, and have more bubbling on the back-burner even now.

While writing these stories, something occurred to me:

I also run Fantanomicon Press, which sells downloads of paper miniatures for D&D and other role-playing games.  I have several characters designed for different genres with no concept of who they are or what they're about.  So my epiphany was that I should be writing stories about them!


Seemed like a brilliant cross-promotional idea, so I set to work writing a story about some characters inspired by the figures.  The whole thing was a silly idea, and so I tried to write a silly story.  My thought was that the story was supposed to be the story being played out in a D&D-type RPG game.  Sorta like in "The Gamers" (a series of movies about a group playing D&D), except it's only the in-game stuff.

There are inherent differences between playing an RPG and writing a story, but I tried to get certain things across.  Like...having your character die-off mid-game and needing a replacement character.  There are a few other things, too; which I hope are humorous to folks that have played the game.  This is the start of...

This is...well, basically a catch-all series for miscellaneous stories inspired by D&D-type games.  This will allow me to try out different Tones And Styles, and you folks can tell me which ones you like.  

And it all starts THIS Saturday when we start our BRAND NEW serial:  Quest to the Kobold Caves!  It's the first serial to appear on the blog that has NEVER BEEN PUBLISHED BEFORE!  So don't forget to tune in this Saturday!

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

The Phantom Sleuth

Howdy-do to you Tough-Guys, Agents, and Shamuses! 
...or is that Shamii?  ...I guess it's a shame-I don't know!  HA!

Yeah, I know, it was bad.  You know the worst part is?  I'm not even ashamed of it!  Isn't that terrible?

Anyway, welcome back!  Since the premier Saturday Serial, "The Crystal Cage" has ended, I want to talk about the next story, and what inspired it.

As you must know by now, I am a fan of the old pulp heroes.  The Shadow, the Spider, the Phantom Detective, the Black Bat, the Green Lama...there are so many, and they all have some distinct similarities.  Chiefly, they are all masked mystery men fighting against crime!  Some, like the Shadow and the Green Lama, have seemingly supernatural powers, while most of the others only have pistols and fanatical devotion to their cause.

Many such heroes had their own magazine, some had radio dramas, and some of the most popular ones had movies or movie serials.  The Masked Man of Mystery was a rock-solid trope of the hero pulps, so naturally I HAD to have one of my own!

My hero is the Phantom Sleuth!  This mysterious identity is actually shared by a pair of identical twin brothers:  Byron and Brian Twain.  Their parents were marked for death by the mob, and Byron was caught up in the mob hit while Brian escaped it altogether.  Now, Byron is believed to be dead, and both brothers have vowed to avenge their parents' death by waging a war against crime.

Brian Twain, the sole survivor of the family tragedy, is now a wealthy young socialite and sole heir to the family business empire.  Secretly, the Twain brothers created the identity of the Phantom Sleuth, and began to fight the underworld.  The two brothers take on the identity of the Phantom Sleuth in shifts, likewise the public identity of Brian Twain.

Byron is in love with Jane Wayland, who only knows him as Brian, the living twin.  As a star reporter of a local newspaper and the daughter of the Police Commissioner, she inadvertently supplies the Phantom Sleuth with various tidbits of useful information.  Meanwhile, her father deems the Sleuth to be a danger to the public at large, and strives to bring him in, like a common criminal.

The Phantom Sleuth is a crack shot, a master of disguise, and a skilled escape artist who fights the outlandish villains who threatened the peace and safety of the denizens of this beloved city.  Magicians, Mesmerists, Masterminds and more plague the criminal cases in his files!

You can get the first-ever Phantom Sleuth story, "The Case of the Villainous Vanishing Act", and a slew of other stories--for FREE--in "The Adventure Sampler" when you join the Adventure Society.  You can also read the first installment of newest adventure this Saturday!

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

Heroes of Aurivyn

Hail and well met, you Truly Adventurous Souls!

In our last exciting episode, you remember that I shared with you the dubious beginnings of the Aurivyn line.  So today I thought it would be nice to start telling you about some of the heroes who live in that world!

First of all, there's Darg Demandrov.  He's a human, he's a warrior.  Pretty healthy, pretty strong, not too bright.  He lives in the Kingdom of Kordania, but comes a the native Vogadaran family.  When our story begins, he lives in the village of Ramalov in the easter side of the kingdom, and is a guard at the local Keep.  

He has only lived in Ramalov a few months, though.  His hometown was a village on the western side of the kingdom, which has been razed to the ground by a warband of hobgoblins less than a year ago.  Darg was actually found wandering the countryside, obviously the victim of some harrowing ordeal and suffering from a bout of amnesia.

Vlad Ludeski, Lord of Ramalov, treats him like an interesting brain teaser, and tries to help him peice together who he is, where he is from, and how he came to be in his current circumstances.  

Darg does not make this easy.  He is understandably frustrated, impatient, and has a strong abhorrence for the Trycadian immigrants and wizardry in almost any form.  

Secondly, there is Maxalla Trigostian.  She, too, is human.  With a Trycadian father and Vogaradan mother she is one of the "New Kordanians", a new generation uniting two disparate cultures into one.  She is a priestess devoted to the Holy Troika of the Church of Vogadara.  

She has lived in Ramalov her entire life, and has endured several attacks on her village by a pack of gnolls who wish to reclaim tribal lands which were once theirs eons ago before humans ever arrived.

Her Vogadaran mother was once under the thrall of a vampire, who induced her to deliver her own daughter to members of the Cult of Zolgon.  The Cultists planned to sacrifice the baby to their demon lord.  The mother-daughter duo was saved when they inadvertently led a band of priests and guardsmen to the Cultists' shrine.  Maxalla was only months old and has no memory of this, but this incident renewed her mother's faith, and she, in turn, pushed Maxalla into her service to the Church.

A dutiful young woman, she strives to live up to all that is expected of her.  Secretly, she harbors a doubt about her worthiness to serve the Church.  Is it the natural trepidation that plagues us all, or some residual taint placed upon her by the Cultists?  She does not know, but she fears what damage can be done to her loved ones and her neighbors if...or when...she fails.

These two, together, discover a wrinkle in reality caused by some Evil Entity that tried to free itself from the pocket dimension it was locked it long ago, and escape back into an unsuspecting world.

Can this unlikely pair stand fast or fall beneath the attack of some unspeakable Evil?  Follow their adventures and see if they can face "The Wrath of the Ancient Prisoner"!

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!

Timothy A. Sayell

Still In Business!

Howdy you Truly Adventurous Souls!

How is everybody doing?  It's been a weird few months, what with the pandemic and the lockdown and all. The Real World has thrown a monkey wrench into the works, and it's kept me away from this blog for a while, but I am dilligently striving to get back to it!

I am proud to remind you all that the first three Mutant World stories are up and available on Amazon RIGHT NOW!   But that's not all!  You can buy all three stories in one convenient collection on DriveThru Fiction!  This great deal comes as an epub, a mobi, and a pdf all in one package!  

I've got a new feature coming to the blog: Serial Saturdays!

I know, right now you're asking:  What are Serial Saturdays?  Well, I'll tell you.

Just like those old Saturday Matinee Serials of the past, I am going to start sharing stories right here on the blog, cut up into episodes!  That's right, an incredible anthology of pulse-pounding adventure stories about pulp heroes, jungle safaris, dungeon expeditions and more!  And its absolutely FREE!

Excited now, aren't you?  Terribly Anxious to Start? Of course you are, and who could blame you?  

You don't have long to wait, the fun begins next month!  That's right, beginning in June we will feature an exciting episode every other Saturday!   

So mark your calendars and tune in for your dose of danger and daring-do!

Until then, I wish you all...

Good Adventuring!
Timothy A. Sayell

We're having an adventure--just like in "The Goonies"!

Greetings Fellow Adventurers!

You may (or may not) have noticed that the title of today's post is a quote by the inimitable Crow T. Robot of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (I only quote from the best!).  

So, people seem to have certain questions that they always ask when they converse with people in various jobs.  How'd you get into it?  What did you specialize in this instead of that?  What inspired you to do this?  What gave you the idea for that? 

For a writer, people usually ask "what do you write?"  If you say you write instruction manuals for electric toothbrushes, their eyes glass over and they lose interest.  But when you say you write fiction, they perk up and ask, "What kind?"

They expect you to say "Fantasy" or "Sci-Fi" or "Mystery" or "Thrillers" or something like that.  And if it's a genre they're interested in, they press for further details.

I like to say "I write adventure stuff!"  That kinda throws them off.  They ask what that means and I explain that sometimes I write fantasy, sometimes sci-fi, pulp hero, weird western...but its ALL adventure! 

So, what exactly IS "adventure"?  This is what it says on Wikipedia:  

In the Introduction to the Encyclopedia of Adventure Fiction, Critic Don D'Ammassa defines the genre as follows:

.. An adventure is an event or series of events that happens outside the course of the protagonist's ordinary life, usually accompanied by danger, often by physical action. Adventure stories almost always move quickly, and the pace of the plot is at least as important as characterization, setting and other elements of a creative work.

But hey, what does Wikipedia know, right?   No, I'm kidding, that's a very succinct definition.  The great thing about adventure is that it can be dressed up in so many ways.  

Do you like stories where the lone barbarian fights his way through the goblin horde to kill the evil wizard?  Read the one about the disgraced archaeologist who accidentally finds the lost city in the jungle and has to stop the demented chieftain from declaring war upon the outside world?  Or the one about the cloaked vigilante who stalks the city's criminal underworld and uncovers a plot by a local kingpin to swipe the prototype laser cannon from the local secret government lab?  How about stories where the planetary colonist fights his way past the martian armies to save his girlfriend from the alien warlord?    That's Adventure, Son!  

Of course, there's no question that guys like Conan, Luke Skywalker, and Indiana Jones are in adventure stories.  However, it seems like adventure IS their normal life!  This isn't always the case, of course.  There are tons of stories that show the ONE adventure this person/these people had.

There are countless Disney family films...like "The Million Dollar Duck" or "The Cat From Outer Space" or dozens of others that are stand-alone stories.  There were the kids in "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial", or the ones in "The Goonies".  Frodo had one long series of smaller adventures, but after "Lord of the Rings" never went out to find more adventures like Bilbo did.  They all seem to have had one single adventure, then went back to their normal lives.  Well, of course, this didn't work too well for Frodo.

Now, this is a little more realistic.  People mostly seem to lead dull, boring lives.  If they're lucky...or perhaps its more appropriate to say UNlucky...their lives could be touched by a small piece of adventure.  Like being at the public event when the bomb goes off, or at the bank when the masked robbers burst in.  Of course, these are traumatizing events, and "the adventure" ends for most people with the end of the incident itself.

Of course, for entertainment purposes, this is harder to market.  That's why you have A hero, or perhaps A TEAM of heroes that have adventure after adventure after adventure.  Then you have to wonder about the Hero's uncanny luck, he never seems to sustain a great deal of damage...but then, he can't!  Cuz if he did, he wouldn't be able to come back next week/month for the next exciting adventure!  But this never slowed down the Shadow, or Beretta, or Napoleon Solo.

This is most easily fixed with A TEAM of heroes.  This adventure primarily features Team Member A, though some of the others are present as secondary characters.  Next book/movie/episode uses Team Member B as the primary character, again with some of the other team members playing back up.  This could be a good set-up for a group like G. I. Joe.

So what's the point to this rambling drivel?  Did I even have one when I started?  I'm starting to wonder that, myself!

The basic point I'm trying to make is that adventure comes in all shapes and sizes.   Adventure stories can be about knights, or pirates, or spies, or cowboys, or cops.  These can all be intriguing and exciting, I like them all and see no reason to choose one over the other.  

So I dabble in all these genres...or sub-genres.  And that's why I--ever so humbly--call myself a Terrific Adventure Scribe!

And if YOU like adventure in any of its forms, you're invited to come along for the ride!  You're sure to find something you like!

Good Adventuring!

Yours Truly,
Timothy A. Sayell